Birthday's Zen (Lindsey & Caitlin)

I have been missing my Zen. Too much static. I finaly found a peaceful ZEN moment meditating/reflecting after my family's birthday gathering. As we transition from our house and many possessions I continue to remind myself that my family and memories are my only true treasures.

I reflect on my oldest and youngest daughter today. Lindsey now 30 years. She came in a storm and open the blue sky's for us. Our family change over night from a family of 2 to three. Young parents with no or little knowledge of parenthood. I remember being my goofy self and playing with Lindsey & her toys on the floor in our first house on Goodhue. Lindsey was the only toddler at Goodhue and then became a big sister there. I loved to change her sinky cloth daipers. Our Goodhue house cost $22,000 but it was great for us. I made my first big RE commission and paided cash for my Supra. I am still upset with myself when Lindsey hurt her lip on the dashboard of the Supra and cried because the seatbelt did not hold her well. The Supra traveled with Lindsey and followed her all the way to her HS days. I was so excited to take Lindsey to her first movie by myself "The Never Ending Story". What an approrpriate name! I loved to see Lindsey strut herself with the dance teams during HS. Lindsey's face all done up in makeup! I was excited but unsure what to do the first time a boy came to the door for a date with Lindsey. You hope every guy can be that dream. But in life it usually takes time. And then time flys bye and she becomes a professional/30. Today I appreciate and cherish the time we sweat togoether in yoga class. There are not many children today that would let their dad hang out with them in a public group in mini shorts. I cannot forget Shiner (Lindsey's partner) who travels in our family journey and attempts to wag his happy tail.

My yougest daughter Caitlin now 25. My favorite memory of her is us sitting together on the fireplace at Encino Park. She was between 3-4 years old, giving me hugs. It was a moment I will never forget. Caitlin became a fish early on loving to swim. Caitlin's smile and laughter is what brings joy to me. When young wearing her cute bathing suit with her puffy hair. Her manner school training and obessions to going to bed at required times and naming her food. I will never forget the fun we both had with me coaching the Bluebonnets. Caitlin and I are similar in that we like to relfect and try to analyze life. We both "go with the flow' down the winding river running into rocks, but maintain the optimistic outlook. Caitlin constantly exceeds my expectations. She has made a home all by her self in another town, grow into a beautiful woman, and also has become a professional. Caitlin you have accomplished so much being young, you have just started your journey.

The movie "The Never Ending Story" continues for all of our family. Tyler leaves his only home to start a new journey. Kristen prepares to expand her family. Mom & I continue down our new path. Lindsey open's doors for new others. Caitlin expands her "Flow". I smile , laugh and shead a few tears along the way but I embrace the memories our family have enjoyed together and look forward to all of our never ending stories. I appreciate my Zen moment. Note! I barfed all night after our family brunch together. Guess I needed to clense myself for the Zen moment.

Re-Hab Zen Clinic

As you know I had to enter my Re-Hab Zen Clinic due to being exposed to Facebook. I need to clear my mind. I believe I shall re-enter in the near future. Reading Tyler's comments below only enlighten me more! He is more in tuned while I search for clarity. My life is very rich having such a great family!

Happy Hour-Lake & Leaves

Saturday Susie and I had a good time with Jeff at Happy Hour at the Roaring Fork in Austin overlooking a lake. During our Happy hour I continued to gaze over at the lake and ponder about which way the leaves would float. With gusty winds and waves it was unclear to me of their direction. I pose the question: Were the leaves driven by the winds with a predetermined destiny or do they float with the current choosing their own path?

Reflection Moment

Last night I took my meditation walk with my ipod. I needed to let out my frustrations regarding facebook and the thought of moving. I was blaming facebook and family for creating stress on me. I realized dealing with facebook was not a problem and no fault of my kids, but my own issue with it. Often I create a problem because of my lack of knowledge revolving around new technology or some optional directions and open doors in my life. Terming an issue as a problem is my mistake. With all these open doors taking place I need to focus them as opportunities and adventures. I am trying acknowledge my faults and make improvements.

Facebook

After viewing some photos of my family on facebook I may considered joining to view my family. I will not impose on or judge, but view for a better understanding of your lives. I desire to absorb some of your energy and your personal insights to life.

Journeys

The mind has been quiet, must have been in a meditation state. The family members are all following their journey paths. Tyler is in a state of confusion waiting to choose between the multiple lights in directing his pathway. Caitlin has battled the waves in her journey upstream. The water flow has slowed and the destination is near. There will be many rewards at her stop; however, the waves never cease. Take a moment and reflect on your journey. Kristen stays in the maze and likes it there. Lindsey ponders and opens many doors for new journeys. Too many doors surround Susie. She must shut several doors and proceed forward. ZenMaster constantly smells the flowers down his new long path. Zenmaster desires to not just be the door opener, but walk along each you in your journey with the sun shinning upon our shoulders.

Night W/ZenMaster & Kaylee

The night was a reminder of the days when entertaining my three daughters by myself. It was always an adventure & entertaining and rewarding. We watched tennis for Dad, viewed the Simpson movie & Hanna Montona for no reason, found many tickle monsters in the couch, and had a Tea Party & cookies all night long. Kaylee stayed up late waiting for her Mommy & Daddy to come home, but was content sharing time with Papa. Life is good being with your granddaughter and being able to share hugs & kisses.

Tyler Note:

Congradulations, Tyler on your job. This is one of many steps you take in your journey toward independence and self-fulfillment. Being a man requires taking on financial responsiblity for yourself and ultimately others as well, which creates a heavy burden. This creates tremendeous stress throughout your life. It requires that you understand and appreciate the small rewards you receive on a daily basis. Identify, appreciate and give thanks for your daily rewards that provide you with self-fulfillment to constantly fill your glass to balance the conflicting struggles in life.

ZEN Blog

Thank you Lindsey for this blog, being inspirational to our family!

Today's Zen's Master Quote:

Peering through the clouds leaves float & tumble descending from the ancient forests toward the ground. Emerging new growth ascends upward straining for the beams of light. As the leaves twist and swirl between the old and new it provides us with a understanding and insight to the circle of life. This blog represents the on going balancing and blending of the old and young within our family striving for family Zen!

Yoga Update

This is my personal health update. I decided to extend my life expectancy to 25+ years now due to Yoga. It was again very painful, but extremely rewarding. All of my muscles are strengthening and stretching. I want to thank Lindsey for putting up with her Dad to let him attend with her. I don't know how long I will continue, but it is very beneficial. I had a physical job up to age 27 at the airlines. It keep me it shape. Once going to a business job my physical condition has gradually gone down. I believe I am back to a similar health condition back at age 40. I hope to even improve that. A article today stated how continual TV watching really reduced your life expectancy. We should exercise an equal amount of time that we watch TV, play on the computer, and play video's. Tyler you are young, but it applies to you too. You do not know how hard it is to maintain your physical health as you age. Each one of you need to find an activity to keep your physical and mental health. This is Dad's weekly advisement Letter.

Non-Funeral Plans

While my brain is still clearly functioning and while my focus is on the future I want to clarify some of my future plans. Even-though I have no plans to depart this life for 20+/- years from now I want to make sure y'all clearly understand my desires at the appropriate time. I prohibit any funeral services. I do not want a indoor funeral parlor service with horrible music with dark suits. What a horrible and drab setting to go in. I truly want a IPOD party preferably outdoors. Tell Kristen no rap music. Add what ever events make you happy. When my mind goes I also do not want to be keep alive. It might take a majority point of view since that could be debated. This topic is not usually discussed because it bothers some, but not me. It is a good time to hear my desires. Hopefully the majority of you can remember the contents of this email and meet my request. A coffee can works for me at a beer table. It might seem like a joke, but I am not kidding!

To My Kids:

This letter is to provide you with some insight to your father, as well as some unpleasant financial news for all. It is not often that a parent provides their own inner personal thoughts to their kids. I have not done this often with mom or anyone else. At this point, in my life I am changing and becoming more open, for the good and the bad. It is difficult enough just dealing with your own personal problems, but taking on your kids’ issues, as well. As a child, I never talked to my parents about my goals, nor did I ask them about theirs. I never tried to understand their role or their problems. We tend to focus own our own needs in life. When you have kids, you take on that responsibility along with the financial side. I am very happy and proud in raising you 4 kids. One of my main early goals in life was very simple, to raise a great family. I have far exceeded my dreams while raising you kids along with mom over the past 30 years. I believe the family calendar y’all made depicts an accurate picture of our family.

As you are aware Mom and I are both entering a new stage in our lives. When you spend a lot of time in an apartment or room by your self, you often attempt to figure out your direction/goals in life. No matter what age these questions and issues still exist. I am 56 years old and very happy, but not satisfied. I still want more out of life. I need to have ambitions and goals. I am constantly trying to identify them and come up with new ones. I want to improve on tennis, explore more yoga, learn cooking, improve physically & mentally, and travel and see new things. Mom and I need to re-bond and smell the flowers together. Our focus has been on you 4 for 30 years and not each other. That will require effort from both of us.

When my time comes I will be fully content to be placed in a pine box floating down the creek or be placed in a coffee can. I am serious that I do not want wasted money spent on an expensive/gloomy funeral setting. I want an “Ipod” party with a toast that Dad had a great happy life.

I believe that I have 20+/- good years left physically and mentally. If I don’t have both, my time will be up! You never know what lies ahead. At our age today, it could change over night or 20 years will fly by before you know it. I feel very lucky in our lives along with all of our achievements. Not to say dealing with both of our fathers’ deaths and losing a house took a large part of my heart and life. Part of my main goal was to have well-rounded kids that would develop into great adults. All of you have achieved that. Tyler, being younger and still at home, has just been thrown into adulthood. Tyler will receive his small contribution later after college, but will be required to take on his share of responsibility. Being an adult means taking on jobs/tasks, finances, and dealing with people and problems you don’t like. It is your choice to make changes in your life, but take on the consequences, as well. You kids do not want to hear the sacrifices we made during our life, nor do we want to hear yours. Sorry, that is life and adult hood.


If you didn’t know, we have the rational/analytical side brain along with the other crazy side. It is the yin/yang brain that provides us balance in life. The rational side tells me take charge of my life and is responsible, while the other side says go for happiness. We all need to find that balance, but ultimately be responsible for our own outcome.


If mom and I want to smell the flowers together, we need to make some financial changes. Permanent financial support of you kids is not fair or reasonable. We need to sell the house and get our finances together. We need to take charge of our lives and be responsible for our actions. As an adult, we all need to take own our responsibility. Mom and I need to establish an adequate retirement and savings so we don’t become a burden on you kids later in life. The financial role with parents and kids often gets flipped, when the parents didn’t plan for themselves.



If you didn’t know, Mom & I continue to contribute some small financial contributions to all four. This assistance was not to be permanent and needs to come to an end. If we were wealthy, it would be different, but we are not. We are going to sit down with each of you and put in writing with your acknowledgement that the funding has a time frame associated with it. I do not want to panic you. We will be reasonable but firm. This is the only way Mom & I can achieve our financial goals. I believe you girls are at the age to be called an Adult. I want to participate and enjoy activities with you as adults. I love you all and hope you can appreciate and understand our situation.