To My Kids:

This letter is to provide you with some insight to your father, as well as some unpleasant financial news for all. It is not often that a parent provides their own inner personal thoughts to their kids. I have not done this often with mom or anyone else. At this point, in my life I am changing and becoming more open, for the good and the bad. It is difficult enough just dealing with your own personal problems, but taking on your kids’ issues, as well. As a child, I never talked to my parents about my goals, nor did I ask them about theirs. I never tried to understand their role or their problems. We tend to focus own our own needs in life. When you have kids, you take on that responsibility along with the financial side. I am very happy and proud in raising you 4 kids. One of my main early goals in life was very simple, to raise a great family. I have far exceeded my dreams while raising you kids along with mom over the past 30 years. I believe the family calendar y’all made depicts an accurate picture of our family.

As you are aware Mom and I are both entering a new stage in our lives. When you spend a lot of time in an apartment or room by your self, you often attempt to figure out your direction/goals in life. No matter what age these questions and issues still exist. I am 56 years old and very happy, but not satisfied. I still want more out of life. I need to have ambitions and goals. I am constantly trying to identify them and come up with new ones. I want to improve on tennis, explore more yoga, learn cooking, improve physically & mentally, and travel and see new things. Mom and I need to re-bond and smell the flowers together. Our focus has been on you 4 for 30 years and not each other. That will require effort from both of us.

When my time comes I will be fully content to be placed in a pine box floating down the creek or be placed in a coffee can. I am serious that I do not want wasted money spent on an expensive/gloomy funeral setting. I want an “Ipod” party with a toast that Dad had a great happy life.

I believe that I have 20+/- good years left physically and mentally. If I don’t have both, my time will be up! You never know what lies ahead. At our age today, it could change over night or 20 years will fly by before you know it. I feel very lucky in our lives along with all of our achievements. Not to say dealing with both of our fathers’ deaths and losing a house took a large part of my heart and life. Part of my main goal was to have well-rounded kids that would develop into great adults. All of you have achieved that. Tyler, being younger and still at home, has just been thrown into adulthood. Tyler will receive his small contribution later after college, but will be required to take on his share of responsibility. Being an adult means taking on jobs/tasks, finances, and dealing with people and problems you don’t like. It is your choice to make changes in your life, but take on the consequences, as well. You kids do not want to hear the sacrifices we made during our life, nor do we want to hear yours. Sorry, that is life and adult hood.


If you didn’t know, we have the rational/analytical side brain along with the other crazy side. It is the yin/yang brain that provides us balance in life. The rational side tells me take charge of my life and is responsible, while the other side says go for happiness. We all need to find that balance, but ultimately be responsible for our own outcome.


If mom and I want to smell the flowers together, we need to make some financial changes. Permanent financial support of you kids is not fair or reasonable. We need to sell the house and get our finances together. We need to take charge of our lives and be responsible for our actions. As an adult, we all need to take own our responsibility. Mom and I need to establish an adequate retirement and savings so we don’t become a burden on you kids later in life. The financial role with parents and kids often gets flipped, when the parents didn’t plan for themselves.



If you didn’t know, Mom & I continue to contribute some small financial contributions to all four. This assistance was not to be permanent and needs to come to an end. If we were wealthy, it would be different, but we are not. We are going to sit down with each of you and put in writing with your acknowledgement that the funding has a time frame associated with it. I do not want to panic you. We will be reasonable but firm. This is the only way Mom & I can achieve our financial goals. I believe you girls are at the age to be called an Adult. I want to participate and enjoy activities with you as adults. I love you all and hope you can appreciate and understand our situation.